Balancing my Yearning for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Meaningful Relationship

As a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, however I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners once more.

Reflecting on the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many gay men have open relationships, yet from my observations, they appear demanding, often resulting in lots of pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused.

Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state could easily shift down the road; eventually you might become less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. At some point you might meet someone offering a life-changing chance for you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and recognize the worth of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.