Those Phrases from A Parent Which Saved Me as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a talk with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good spot. You require some help. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a wider reluctance to communicate between men, who often internalise negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a pause - taking a few days overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - taking care of you is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."